Creating a calming bedtime routine doesn’t just lead to better sleep for your child, it’s also an investment in your family’s overall well-being.
Therapist-Approved Tips for Creating a Calming Bedtime Routine
Therapist-Approved Tips for Creating a Calming Bedtime Routine
Whole Child Neuro
Is bedtime a struggle in your house?
If so, you’re not the only one. Bedtime can often feel like the most challenging part of the day for parents and children alike. The simple goal of getting your child to sleep can quickly turn into a battle of wills, leaving everyone feeling frustrated, exhausted, and desperate for a change. This is where a calming bedtime routine can be a game-changer. Creating a calming bedtime routine doesn’t just lead to better sleep for your child, it’s also an investment in your family’s overall well-being.
Why is sleep so important?
As child neuropsychologists, we understand the deep connection between sleep and healthy development. Just as sleep is essential for adults, it is critical for children to get the right amount of sleep. This is because sleep is one of the major building blocks of health, impacting everything from cognition to emotional resilience. Here’s how sleep impacts your child’s growth:
Cognitive development
While we sleep, our brains process and organize new information we learned throughout the day. This is especially important for a child's brain! Think about how many new things your child learns every day as they navigate school, learn social skills, and explore their environment. That’s a lot of information to process and organize! When kids don’t get enough sleep, it can impact their memory, problem-solving abilities, and concentration, making it harder for them to thrive academically.
Emotional regulation
Sleep is also essential for our emotional health. Time spent asleep allows our brains to process stress and get some rest, which helps us regulate our emotions more effectively. A well-rested child is better able to manage big feelings, whether it’s frustration over homework or disappointment from a conflict with a friend. When they don’t get enough sleep, children are more likely to experience mood swings, irritability, and difficulty coping with challenges.
Physical health
Sleep is an essential bodily function that supports physical growth and a well-functioning immune system. During periods of deep sleep, our bodies release growth hormones that support healthy physical development. Getting enough sleep also strengthens the immune system, helping children fend off illness and recover more quickly when they do become sick.
Social development
Sleep also impacts our social lives, especially for kids. When children are well-rested, they’re more likely to engage positively with peers and family members, which can make it easier to build relationships with others. Poor sleep, on the other hand, can lead to social withdrawal and irritability, as well as difficulty making or keeping friends.
Why is bedtime so hard for children of different ages?
It’s normal for children to struggle with bedtime, even though it can be frustrating as a parent. Understanding why bedtime is difficult can help you approach the process with compassion and strategies tailored to what will be most helpful for your child.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
Young children, like toddlers and preschoolers, often resist bedtime. This is because they are learning how to become more independent as they learn to move and talk. For a child that’s learning to explore their world, bedtime can feel like their freedom is being taken away, and they may be concerned about what they’ll miss after they go to sleep.
At bedtime, children in this age group may:
Struggle with separation anxiety, making it difficult for parents to put them to bed and leave the room
Have trouble transitioning from playtime to rest, making it hard to initiate a bedtime routine
Lack the self-regulation skills needed to calm themselves, leading to overwhelm and outbursts
Elementary-Age Children
Once children get a little older, they might not resist bedtime in the same way as they did when they were toddlers. Children in this age group are often starting to develop anxiety or fears that make bedtime tricky, and their use of devices for school or entertainment might play a role as well.
At bedtime, school age children might:
Experience nighttime anxiety, such as fear of the dark or bad dreams, leading to lots of nighttime interruptions
Worry about social or academic pressures, making it hard to calm the mind enough for sleep
Be overstimulated by screen time or evening activities, which can make it hard to wind down
Teenagers
Bedtime isn’t usually the same kind of struggle with teenagers as it is with young children, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t problems they deal with regarding sleep. Teenagers are in a different stage of development, which can shift the hours where they feel tired or awake. They also have to juggle the demands of school, family, and a social life with only so many hours in the day. Teens face unique biological and environmental challenges:
At bedtime, teenagers might:
Naturally feel tired later at night, due to their sleep-wake cycles shifting during adolescence
Be kept up late by academic demands, extracurricular activities, and social media
Resist parental guidance around when to go to bed as they develop a sense of independence from the adults in their lives
For parents, the challenges around sleep and bedtime can feel overwhelming, no matter what age your child is. But a thoughtful, consistent routine can help ease the transition to sleep for children of all ages.
How a bedtime routine can improve your child’s sleep
A bedtime routine isn’t just about helping your child fall asleep more easily, although that can happen. Developing a routine around bedtime in your home establishes a sense of security and predictability that benefits the whole family.
A calming bedtime routine can:
Signal to the brain that it’s time to wind down, promoting melatonin production, which helps you fall asleep and stay asleep
Reduce bedtime anxiety by creating a predictable sequence of events that can comfort your child
Strengthen parent-child connections through shared moments of calm at bedtime
Wondering where to start? Here’s a detailed guide to crafting a calming bedtime routine that promotes restful sleep and less stressful evenings.
Be consistent about their sleep schedule
Children thrive on consistency, and bedtime is no exception. Going to bed at the same time every night can help their bodies learn to slow down. It’s important to try to stick to the schedule, even on the weekends or on vacation, so that your child can benefit from consistency. Irregular sleep patterns can impact your child’s internal clock, leading to bedtime struggle.
Keep in mind how much sleep your child needs depending on their age:
Toddlers need 11–14 hours of sleep
School-age children need 9–11 hours of sleep
Teens need 8–10 hours of sleep
Practice winding down before bed
Part of creating a calming routine is to start winding down for bed ahead of time to signal it’s time to slow down. This helps your child transition from the energy of the day to the calm of bedtime. Start 30-60 minutes before bedtime. Offer your child activities that promote relaxation, like coloring, reading, or listening to soft music.
This can be a good time to start practicing mindfulness exercises with your child, as meditation or deep breathing can be a powerful way to signal winding down.
Limit screen time
We all know that screens impact our sleep, and children are no different. The blue light from their screens can delay melatonin production, making it harder for your child to fall asleep. This is why limiting screen time before bed can promote better sleep. Try making a family rule to turn off devices at least an hour before bed. Encourage screen-free alternatives like journaling, reading, or sharing gratitude as a family.
Make the bedroom a sleep sanctuary
Does your child’s bedroom promote sleep, or does it encourage activity? Among other things, our environment plays a critical role in sleep quality, so making your child’s bedroom an ideal sleeping space can make a difference. Our children’s bedrooms can easily become chaotic with all of their toys and objects, and this can make it harder for them to focus on winding down.
Try reducing the clutter in their room, to help them reduce overstimulation at bedtime. If there’s a place other than their bedroom where they can keep some toys, that might be helpful. Playing with the lighting can also create a calming environment for sleep. Use dim, warm-toned lights in the evening to signal its bedtime, and consider using white noise machines to drown out household sounds if those tend to bother your child.
Validate their feelings about bedtime
There’s usually a reason why your child struggles with their bedtime routine, and talking with them about it can help you uncover what that is and validate how they’re feeling. They might be afraid or anxious when it’s time to sleep, and letting them share their feelings can help them feel more supported. For example:
“It sounds like you’re feeling worried about having a bad dream. Let’s talk about something happy to help you feel safe.”
Encourage them to create a “worry box” where they can write down concerns to revisit during the day. Then at bedtime, you can encourage them to write down their worries and slip them into the box, to look at the next day.
Give them choices
Children love to participate, and giving them choices helps them feel like they’re creating the routine with you. Children are more likely to follow a routine they’ve helped create. Try letting them choose their bedtime story, selecting their favorite pajamas, or give input on the order of activities during their bedtime routine. These options all keep them on task, but give them a sense of independence and agency.
Try to stay calm
Our children look to us for how to behave, whether we want them to or not. Remember that your mood sets the tone for bedtime. If you’re calm and patient, your child is more likely to feel the same. Have a few coping skills in your back pocket for moments of overwhelm or frustration, like taking a few deep breaths or shaking your body out quickly.
Work with a Specialist if Needed
If bedtime challenges are a constant struggle, there may be underlying factors at play, such as sensory processing difficulties, anxiety, or a sleep disorder. Consulting a child neuropsychologist can provide valuable insights and tailored strategies about your child and their needs. Assessments can uncover issues that might not be immediately obvious, ensuring your child gets the right support to help them thrive.
Bedtime doesn’t have to be a nightly struggle.
Remember, small changes can lead to big improvements over time. And if you need support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a specialist who can guide you through the process. Our team of child neuropsychologists and therapists is here to help. Contact us to schedule a consultation and explore how we can support your family.